Like the old adage about turning lemons into lemonade, you can turn diversity tension into honest communication to create a culture of respect.

In “Through the Looking Glass” by Lewis Carroll, the March Hare tells Alice, “Then you should say what you mean.” Alice replies, “I do; at least – at least I mean what I say – that’s the same thing, you know.” Poor Alice thought she was saying what she meant, but her words kept being misinterpreted by the March Hare. He then tries to explain that saying what you mean and meaning what you say is certainly not the same thing. He was right.

The March Hare and Alice had trouble communicating even though they spoke the same language. This is a scenario that is repeated every day in the workplace, except the characters are managers and employees who represent different races, ethnicities, genders and cultures. Businesses that promote diversity are more innovative, more profitable and more creative. Sometimes, they also have more tension and more misunderstandings precisely because remarks are made that make people wonder, “Did she really mean what she said?”

How many times do people thoughtlessly speak at work and then discover their statements were misinterpreted? Offensive comments about ethnic groups are uttered or a “blonde” joke is told or statements are made that stereotype people of color. These moments can be awkward or downright embarrassing, and the people listening have two choices. The first choice is to get angry, defensive or indignant. The second choice is to turn the tense moment into a chance to come to a better understanding of diversity.

Old-Fashioned Communication in a New-Fashioned Work Environment

Diversity management usually requires conflict management at some point because people who come from different backgrounds and cultures have different perspectives. Someone who grew up in a family that told racial jokes may not even think twice about telling those jokes in the break room. Co-workers who have never worked in a diverse environment and have friends who are all the same race and come from the same culture may find that people who are different make them uncomfortable. They will often cover up the uneasiness with bravado in the form of inappropriate jokes or statements. The statements may be thoughtless and insulting, but the person making them is shocked when others find them to be so.

Conflict is often defined as fighting, but that is not true. Conflict is any condition in which people have concerns and those concerns seem to be incompatible. For example, one person sees nothing wrong with making a statement that people of a certain race are not capable of handling a particular job. A co-worker who is listening is concerned the statement is meant to be offensive. Each person is expressing something that is of concern and those concerns are expressed in a way that causes conflict. Conflict can be approached in various ways – competing, accommodating, compromising, avoiding and collaborating. Ideally, situations in which diversity tension exists creating conflict will be turned into an opportunity to collaborate, which means being assertive and cooperative with the intention of problem solving to satisfy concerns.

The question is: how? It’s easy to say that there should be workplace harmony, but these moments really do not happen often. So the question remains: How can people address their concerns about diversity related issues in a way that increases understanding and becomes a teaching or learning opportunity?

Moments of tension are bound to happen in a diverse workplace. However, instead of considering them as moments of conflict in which people defend an adversarial stance, they should be treated as opportunities for mutual understanding. For this to happen, people have to act (or not act) in a certain way. The first step is to not over-react when someone says something that can be taken as offensive or as showing bias. That can be difficult, but it prevents an escalation of emotions. In addition, it is important to avoid making assumptions and especially when there are cultural differences involved. People may say or do things in complete innocence, and it may be you who is bringing the personal and cultural perspective that creates the tension.

The truth is that people can only learn by listening and then making thoughtful statements or asking thoughtful questions. Voices should not be raised because shouting negates the opportunity to talk. In addition, inflammatory language should be avoided. Calling someone a sexist or a racist will only make that person defensive. Until you understand what the person really intended when making certain statements, it does not make sense to hurl charges of bias of any kind.

Don’t Jump... Just Step Back a Moment

Conflict frequently arises because people jump to conclusions. They assume they know what the other person meant or intended. Many times people simply have trouble expressing their thoughts. That is what people mean when they say, “That came out all wrong.”

Before responding to offensive statements, it is more productive to decide what you want to learn by any questions you ask or what you want to share in the way of information. Perhaps you simply need to explain some aspect of your culture or ask about someone else’s cultural practices. You can ask for clarification of a statement and assertively, not aggressively, let someone known that you are offended and why you are offended. People do not seem to mind telling others they are offended but often leave out the explanation. Without the explanation, it is not possible to learn or resolve conflict.

These same principles can be applied by managers trying to relieve diversity tension.

There will be times when the best response is no response. As difficult as it may be, there are some situations so explosive that it is better to walk away. It is not always possible to have intelligent conversation. Hopefully, there will be another opportunity to address the situation.

Know Thyself First

There is a responsibility for each person to identify his or her personal biases and to be aware of how they influence perspectives. There are two cures for bias in the workplace: Each person must take responsibility for his or her biases, dissect them and then set them aside. Invoking the rules of good communication, which include having respect for other people, is the second cure.

Diversity tension can cost a business in many ways. It can force managers to spend more time dealing with conflict between employees. Staff productivity inevitably declines as emotions run high. If the business atmosphere is tense or lacks respect, employee turnover will increase. Customers and vendors will sense the tension also, making it less likely they will want to do business with your company.

The March Hare told Alice, “Have some wine.” Alice says, “I don’t see any wine.” “There isn’t any,” was the March Hare’s response. Alice adds, “Then it wasn’t very civil of you to offer it.” The March Hare answers, “It wasn’t very civil of you to sit down without being invited.” Apparently, Alice and the March Hare came from different cultures.